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Padmé Amidala Naberrie ([personal profile] senateur) wrote2018-08-14 10:45 pm

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P a d m é
A m i d a l a
N a b e r r i e

whatimust: (sw_aotc_43)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 12:59 am (UTC)(link)
"Of course not, milady, that wasn't what I was implying," he states serenely. "And while I do believe one never finishes learning - the nice thing about no longer being an apprentice, is that I know longer have to study so arduously." Obi-Wan gives her an innocent, and yet conspiratorial smile.

"Is this what you would do when your family would stay here, then? Read and study? You mentioned enjoying the outdoors, as well," he recalled, glancing out the large French doors.
whatimust: (sw_aotc_26)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
Obi-Wan is watching Padmé as much as he is taking in the scenery, enjoying this glimpse at a rarely-seen side of her.

"Ah, yes," he intones. "I do recall you being rather brash and daring, so that makes absolute sense." He gives his head a little shake even as he smiles. "I've been made to climb far too many trees in my life to find any real enjoyment in it."
whatimust: (sw_aotc_11)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 02:05 am (UTC)(link)
Amusement crosses his face; he's quite familiar with someone goading him, trying to maneuver him to do what they want. And between his Force-sense and recognizing the look in her eyes, he knows she's not seriously accusing him of cheating. It doesn't upset him, but he allows himself to be pulled along in her banter.

"A Jedi never cheats," he tells her gravely, his beard twitching slightly. "We are, however, taught to use any and all advantages that we can find."
whatimust: (sw_aotc_41)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 02:22 am (UTC)(link)
"Ah," he responds with mock-gravity. "Now there's a challenge I'm not sure I'm up for. If they are as formidable as you were, I think I would rather graciously bow out, with my dignity still intact." Unable to hold it in any longer, he grins at Padmé, enjoying the silliness of the moment.
whatimust: (SWIII_1357)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 02:38 am (UTC)(link)
"Oh, dear heavens." His dry wit is in fine form now, as he pretends to consider the ramifications of what she's saying. "If they're that formidable, what could you possibly need me for?"

Not wanting to drag the conversation down with the serious answer she might give, he holds up a hand. "No, don't tell me. You wished to keep me from wasting away in bachelorhood, and decided to save me."
whatimust: (sw_aotc_13)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
His nod is one of grave understanding and gratitude. "Thank you then, milady, for saving me from myself. To think, I would have continued my days, meditating, trying to teach patience to the perpetually-impatient, and amassing knowledge and wisdom such that I would rival the greatest Jedi Masters. Truly, it's a horrible fate, and I am in your debt for rescuing me."

It is now that Obi-Wan is struck with the thought he's been unable to capture, that niggling doubt and worry he's been suppressing since arriving here, alone with Padmé. Now that he is relaxed and enjoying her company, it is as clear as the lake they're overlooking.

The thought is this:
He could easily find himself falling in love with her.

After all, this conversation proves just how easily they can get along as friends, how well they enjoy each other's company. He isn't sure if it's a true premonition through the Force, or merely his trained talent for seeing patterns and outcomes, but he can see it happening easily, as smooth as glass.

And he can't let it.

Padmé has a long career as a senator ahead of her, and Obi-Wan is her protector. More, he is a Jedi Knight: despite being assigned to one person for the rest of her life, he cannot allow his emotions to cloud his judgment. Friendship is one thing, but love, a real relationship, even if she were amenable, goes against everything he's been taught.

Obi-Wan's smile slips slightly, but he turns to lean on the railing beside her, looking out over the horizon, hoping she will assume his mind has simply wandered to something else.

The truth is, currently he's not sure he could think of anything other than her.
It is the opposite of what he needs to be contemplating.
whatimust: (sw_aotc_19)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 03:42 am (UTC)(link)
Startled at her sudden retreat, he looks at her with slightly wide eyes. Even if she speaks casually, even if she doesn't suspect where his thoughts lie, there are no coincidences. He feels poorly for being the reason they're no longer sharing easy conversation and banter. "Padmé--"

What will he say to her? What can he say to her, that won't ruin this moment even more than his sudden epiphany already has?

Obi-Wan shakes his head. "No. No special requests. I have an adventurous palate and strong stomach," he jokes, giving her a smile that, while not as happy as before, is just as sincere.

If he can keep this, he could be happy. This, and nothing more, and he would still be happy.
It's a thin ledge, but he will try to walk it.
whatimust: (sw_aotc_44)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 04:29 am (UTC)(link)
His smile widens affectionately at her teasing, but her reassurance makes him feel once again awkward in the situation.

"I'll probably go down to the lake and sit for a while." He glances back over the balcony. "It really is beautiful here."

Meditating, it seems, will continue to be a large staple of his life, for the foreseeable future. At least here, he can let his senses spread out and encounter nothing but wilderness and nature, and Padmé.

Maybe he'll practice focusing his Force-sense directionally. He could probably use the extra training.
whatimust: (sw_aotc_22)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 05:20 am (UTC)(link)
Obi-Wan takes just a few moments longer to gaze out at the lake and grounds, allowing Padmé time to make her way through the manor. He once again finds himself admiring the house as he walks leisurely through it, hands tucked into the sleeves of his robes.

He means to head out to the lake, or the garden on the side of the house, but instead finds himself standing just outside the kitchen opening, watching Padmé confidently prepare dinner. In moments like this, she's far away from the former Queen of Naboo, or even the current Senator for the planet; and yet she still bears that competence he sees in her frequently. It's something he's admired in her whenever their paths cross.

When he finds himself wondering if love is really such a detrimental emotion to feel for another person, he decides it's high time he start the meditation he told her he'd be doing, and heads out and toward the lake. He settles into the familiar position, and just the act of sitting this particular way has his mind calming down and his thoughts quietening. He soon finds himself in that space between lost and hyper-aware, his physical senses ignored while he lets himself feel his surroundings through the Force.

Fish, plants and all manner of creatures in the lake; birds, insects, reptiles and amphibians along the banks and in the flora surrounding the house; Padmé in the kitchen, a calm well of drifting thoughts and steady emotions. Even the manor itself has echoes of life surrounding it, a testament to the personalities that have inhabited it over the years. He likes the fact that the house feels warm, owing to the love and happiness that's dwelt there.

Time passes, but Obi-Wan takes no note of it.
whatimust: (sw_aotc_40)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-16 03:01 pm (UTC)(link)
As the time passes, unnoticed by the Jedi, Obi-Wan allows his thoughts to peacefully drift, inspecting each as it floats through his head, but leaving them mostly uncensored. He's long since learned how to deal with even dark, negative thoughts constructively. (Something he wishes he knew how to teach his apprentice.)

Now, his thoughts circle around friendship, the bonds formed between individuals and how emotions can enhance or detract from his duty. How his duty has shifted significantly, but not actually changed: he's still charged with protection of those around him, but now he must center that protection on one individual before others. If, for example, Padmé and the Chancellor are together when there's an attack, Obi-Wan's duty is now to protect Padmé first, despite the Chancellor being of higher rank and influence politically. It's not so different than before, but even just putting her above others inherently means that he will be focused more on her at all times, and that's before factoring in that they will be living and traveling together all the time, constantly influencing each other's actions and thoughts.

There is nothing he can do to prevent his feelings for her from growing, and if he tries to stop them, it will very likely lead to frustration and anger, perhaps even resentment toward the Council or Padmé herself. It's the antithesis to all he was taught, but he was also taught never to hold one life above another, for all life is sacred and a part of the Force. But the fact that they have a week alone together tells him growing a bond is expected. So he will take this time, learn to relax and get used to being, if not in the same place, at least constantly by the same person's side. When he has the chance, he will speak with Master Yoda and ask for his counsel.

Becoming aware of changes in the environment, he senses Padmé moving toward him. He slowly comes back to himself, and notices more time has passed than he expected; his body begins registering that he's hungry, and while he's used to discomfort, his backside isn't entirely pleased to have been sitting lotus-style on the hard ground for so long. Obi-Wan stands and brushes off his robes as Padmé draws near, looking toward her and smiling peacefully in greeting.
whatimust: (sw_aotc_40)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-19 08:47 am (UTC)(link)
"Of course," Obi-Wan responds easily,moving up beside her. In what feels like a bold move, he reaches out to place his palm at the small of her back for a moment, just until they have turned back toward the manor. It's an easy, familiar gesture, polite, but still feeling strangely intimate.

To cover his apprehension at the move, he says "If it is too much, I'm sure it will keep long enough for left-overs or a late snack. I tend to never refuse food, for I've learned never to assume it will be readily available at a convenient time."
whatimust: (sw_aotc_21)

[personal profile] whatimust 2018-08-19 02:03 pm (UTC)(link)
The boldness only comes from the fact that it is not necessary to guide her in such a fashion. He merely wants to touch her, however fleeting and innocently, to see just where the boundaries for this marriage are, in his mind and heart, as well as hers.

His experiment seems to pay off, when Padmé takes his arm; another platonic gesture that he enjoys, and recognizes enjoying it for more than what it (almost certainly) means. Friendship, he tells himself. Friendship is the base to build anything else on.

"Please, don't do that," he tells her with a small laugh. "I will grow to resemble a Hutt, and what sort of bodyguard would I be then?"

He turns his mind away from the idea of 'our time together,' because that time will be for the rest of their lives. Unless, of course, at some point in the future Padmé quits politics, no longer requires protecting, and no longer wants his company. It is a possibility, and one he will face with calm poise, as befits a Jedi, but it is not one he wishes to expect as a given.
Edited (More to say) 2018-08-19 14:10 (UTC)

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