![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
» open post
 |
 |
 |
It's automatic for her to take charge of any situation, so it takes a moment for her to relinquish that position and simply have a seat. He isn't a guest, but he could have easily expected these roles to be upheld despite their respective statuses - it's reassuring that he doesn't. Those backwards ideas of the roles of men and women that she's seen on various planets have never sat well with her.
"I do enjoy it," she confirms, spreading a cloth napkin out over her lap in proper fashion. "I always helped in the kitchen when I was little, and while I haven't had much time to spend there over the last few years, I still take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself, especially when I'm at my family's home." Her home no longer, she reminds herself; they will have to secure their own apartment in Theed now, she couldn't ask him to stay with her family whenever they're on the planet.
"Stews are easy, and often found in traditional Naboo cuisine. I also enjoy making savory pastries, and bread." A fond smile blooms into existence as she picks up the still-warm loaf and tears off an end, the crisp crust giving way to expose the fluffy interior. "I love baking bread. I've found it's very good for relieving stress. There were a few months after the Trade invasion that I made a few loaves every day, usually in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep."
"I do enjoy it," she confirms, spreading a cloth napkin out over her lap in proper fashion. "I always helped in the kitchen when I was little, and while I haven't had much time to spend there over the last few years, I still take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself, especially when I'm at my family's home." Her home no longer, she reminds herself; they will have to secure their own apartment in Theed now, she couldn't ask him to stay with her family whenever they're on the planet.
"Stews are easy, and often found in traditional Naboo cuisine. I also enjoy making savory pastries, and bread." A fond smile blooms into existence as she picks up the still-warm loaf and tears off an end, the crisp crust giving way to expose the fluffy interior. "I love baking bread. I've found it's very good for relieving stress. There were a few months after the Trade invasion that I made a few loaves every day, usually in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep."
Obi-Wan has been self-reliant in mundane matters for almost the entirety of his life. Children raised at the Temple are not coddled or tended to; they are taught to be able to take care of themselves from a very young age, and slowly given more responsibilities, to help teach them the values of the life they are striving for. While he would never speak out against another's beliefs or culture (unless it was harmful, and even then he would try to be diplomatic), he's always found the inherent sexism in some cultures to be distasteful.
Her comment about baking bread when she's stressed reminds him of an earlier thought he'd had, and while he gathers a serving of stew and breaks off his own piece of bread, he mentions it to her.
"Have you ever tried meditation? It's not just for Jedi, you know," he teases gently. "It's a good way to process stress, and view recent events that might trouble you, in order to find some clarity, or peace of mind. I'd be more than happy to teach you, if you'd like."
Her comment about baking bread when she's stressed reminds him of an earlier thought he'd had, and while he gathers a serving of stew and breaks off his own piece of bread, he mentions it to her.
"Have you ever tried meditation? It's not just for Jedi, you know," he teases gently. "It's a good way to process stress, and view recent events that might trouble you, in order to find some clarity, or peace of mind. I'd be more than happy to teach you, if you'd like."
She pauses while lifting her fork to spear her first bite of the stewed vegetables, looking a bit sheepish at his question. The story that comes to mind is one she'd thought of earlier as well, when she'd come upon him meditating, but it's only now that he's asked that she decides to share it.
"I did once have it suggested to me by another senator's aide in a quite... disrespectful manner," she explains. "I may have responded in an equally unprofessional tone and haven't considered it since. But perhaps with the right teacher, my opinion would change."
"I did once have it suggested to me by another senator's aide in a quite... disrespectful manner," she explains. "I may have responded in an equally unprofessional tone and haven't considered it since. But perhaps with the right teacher, my opinion would change."
There is a pause, where he stills as the various scenarios of what she's implying run through his head. It doesn't precisely shock him, because his opinion of politicians has never been particularly high, but he is offended on several fronts, both on principle, and personally on her behalf.
He reminds himself not to jump to conclusions, however. Deliberately, he wipes at his mouth and beard with his napkin, before slowly asking, "Am I to take that... that he made an advance on you?" His distaste is clear in the way he very carefully keeps his face and tone blank, devoid of any emotion.
He reminds himself not to jump to conclusions, however. Deliberately, he wipes at his mouth and beard with his napkin, before slowly asking, "Am I to take that... that he made an advance on you?" His distaste is clear in the way he very carefully keeps his face and tone blank, devoid of any emotion.
The way he reacts to her tale, even vague as it is, makes her chest tighten with affection. She knows that Obi-Wan is a good man, that he would disapprove of such things for anyone involved, but that he reacts in such a way when it is her...
"It wasn't the first time, and I'm fairly certain it won't be the last, even with my change in circumstance," she replies, her tone midway between matter-of-fact and reassuring. "It's simply an unfortunate fact of the life I've chosen to live." She decides not to further elaborate on how some politicians do make a habit of trading certain types of 'favors' to get what they want.
"It wasn't the first time, and I'm fairly certain it won't be the last, even with my change in circumstance," she replies, her tone midway between matter-of-fact and reassuring. "It's simply an unfortunate fact of the life I've chosen to live." She decides not to further elaborate on how some politicians do make a habit of trading certain types of 'favors' to get what they want.
They have all had to make sacrifices, in order to survive now, Obi-Wan knows this. But at the sight of Padmé's much shorter hair, he feels grief and sorrow anew, at how much she has lost. Her very identity seems to have been taken from her, and he wonders if that doesn't contribute to the hollowness he feels inside her. Children, identity; what does she have left to get her through?
She has him, at the moment. For as long as is needed, and perhaps even afterward as well. They are bound together now, due to the course events have taken.
He reaches out a hand, placing it on her back and shoulder, and can't help but brush his fingers up against the ends of her hair. Despite all it means that she had to cut it, it makes her look even more refined and stately, in his eyes. Whereas Padawans kept their hair short, and most Knights and Masters grew it long, in his mind long hair on a woman denoted childhood. It struck him then, that after everything that had happened, even having been witness to the birth of her children, only now was Obi-Wan seeing that Padmé was a grown woman.
She has him, at the moment. For as long as is needed, and perhaps even afterward as well. They are bound together now, due to the course events have taken.
He reaches out a hand, placing it on her back and shoulder, and can't help but brush his fingers up against the ends of her hair. Despite all it means that she had to cut it, it makes her look even more refined and stately, in his eyes. Whereas Padawans kept their hair short, and most Knights and Masters grew it long, in his mind long hair on a woman denoted childhood. It struck him then, that after everything that had happened, even having been witness to the birth of her children, only now was Obi-Wan seeing that Padmé was a grown woman.
Dropping his gaze and pressing his lips into a thin line are the only indications of how upset hearing her speak of it, even obliquely, makes him. He wrestles briefly with his emotions, recognizing them for what they are: anger, jealousy, possessiveness. Not full-blown and destructive, but the seeds are there. He consoles himself that Padmé can take care of herself, as she has just stated she did. He still has the un-Jedi-like urge to punch the aide in the face. Padmé is a good person, and does not deserve to be treated so callously.
Drawing in a measured breath, Obi-Wan slowly says, "While I am well-aware of how well you can take care of yourself, I hope your change in circumstance helps at least to lessen these-- occurrences," his mouth wraps around the word distastefully, "but I also find myself torn between hoping never to be witness to one, and hoping I am. I fear I would have a hard time standing back and allowing you to deal with it yourself, were I around."
It's all he will admit to, and worries that he hasn't divulged too much. He's just admitted to being far more emotionally invested than he had ever expected he would become.
Drawing in a measured breath, Obi-Wan slowly says, "While I am well-aware of how well you can take care of yourself, I hope your change in circumstance helps at least to lessen these-- occurrences," his mouth wraps around the word distastefully, "but I also find myself torn between hoping never to be witness to one, and hoping I am. I fear I would have a hard time standing back and allowing you to deal with it yourself, were I around."
It's all he will admit to, and worries that he hasn't divulged too much. He's just admitted to being far more emotionally invested than he had ever expected he would become.
It was a practical measure, the cutting of her hair. With the length it had been, the time to care for it had been greater than she could manage in her current state, and it had been too telling of her former self. Elaborate hairstyles had no place in this world of hard work, and she no longer held a position of any significance to anyone. It was better this way. Easier. Even if it is another constant reminder of what she has lost.
She welcomes that touch on her back, a physical reminder that she isn't alone, at least not in this moment. He isn't a phantom come to haunt her the way Anakin does. Obi-Wan is flesh and blood and he came back to--
Lowering herself down onto the thin bed, she looks up at him with apologetic sorrow written across her expression. "Obi-Wan, I'm sorry," she says, her heartbreak bleeding into every syllable. "I've been so focused on my own pain, I've forgotten about yours." She isn't the only one who lost everything.
She welcomes that touch on her back, a physical reminder that she isn't alone, at least not in this moment. He isn't a phantom come to haunt her the way Anakin does. Obi-Wan is flesh and blood and he came back to--
Lowering herself down onto the thin bed, she looks up at him with apologetic sorrow written across her expression. "Obi-Wan, I'm sorry," she says, her heartbreak bleeding into every syllable. "I've been so focused on my own pain, I've forgotten about yours." She isn't the only one who lost everything.
Even those small signs are telling to someone with vast experience in reading others. He has very strong opinions about these experiences she'd had, and while she's not entirely sure of the finer details of those opinions, she has no doubt that he would, in fact, come to her aid in such a situation. She hopes it never comes to that, for both their sakes.
"My knight in Jedi armor," she murmurs with a soft smile before standing and taking the few steps around the table to his side. "Thank you, Obi-Wan." And she leans down to press a kiss to his cheek before intending to retrieve a bottle of wine from the nearby cellar.
"My knight in Jedi armor," she murmurs with a soft smile before standing and taking the few steps around the table to his side. "Thank you, Obi-Wan." And she leans down to press a kiss to his cheek before intending to retrieve a bottle of wine from the nearby cellar.
It startles him, when she apologizes, and even after she explains, it takes him a moment to register what she's talking about. Slowly, he sinks to his knees on the floor by her side. The smile he gives her is small, and bittersweet. "There is nothing for you to apologize for, Padmé. I..."
He doesn't know how to say how he feels, without sounding callous toward himself. He doesn't want to seem like he's dismissing her concerns, but he truly feels that they are unnecessary. "I am used to bearing pain," he finally settles on. Losing Anakin is nothing like witnessing the death of his Master, Qui-Gon. He had different relationships with each of them; and yet, how he feels now is not unfamiliar to him.
He doesn't know how to say how he feels, without sounding callous toward himself. He doesn't want to seem like he's dismissing her concerns, but he truly feels that they are unnecessary. "I am used to bearing pain," he finally settles on. Losing Anakin is nothing like witnessing the death of his Master, Qui-Gon. He had different relationships with each of them; and yet, how he feels now is not unfamiliar to him.
Only seconds pass after his explanation before she's reaching out to take one of his hands in her own, holding it firmly like an anchor to this moment between them. "Being used to it doesn't make it hurt less."
She's been slowly getting used to that aching in her chest, the pangs of longing and that emptiness that fills her up, but none of that diminishes the strength of those emotions. She's drowning in it and she knows he has to be as well, even if it he bear it better than she.
She's been slowly getting used to that aching in her chest, the pangs of longing and that emptiness that fills her up, but none of that diminishes the strength of those emotions. She's drowning in it and she knows he has to be as well, even if it he bear it better than she.
"No," he says softly, his voice finally betraying the brokenness inside him. "It doesn't. But," he takes a steadying breath, "there is work still left to be done. And I will be of no help to anyone if I succumb to grief."
He doesn't mean it as a censure or beratement to her own emotions or actions. He learned very early in his life how to channel all of his emotions into positive work, and now is no different, even if the feelings have changed. A part of him may be drowning, but he has learned to at least tread water, until the worst is past. Which is ironic, considering the world he currently is calling home.
He doesn't mean it as a censure or beratement to her own emotions or actions. He learned very early in his life how to channel all of his emotions into positive work, and now is no different, even if the feelings have changed. A part of him may be drowning, but he has learned to at least tread water, until the worst is past. Which is ironic, considering the world he currently is calling home.
Obi-Wan catches her wrist gently before she can move away. "I will do nothing without your approval, my lady," he intones sincerely. "But even if this is a marriage in name only, one made of convenience, I fear I won't tolerate unwanted advances toward you. And that-- is very human, but not very becoming of a Jedi protector."
"That thought is all that keeps me going," she offers quietly, squeezing his hand as her own trembles slightly. The thought that her children might need her, one day in the future... Without that, she couldn't get out of bed. He would have returned to a shell of a woman hidden away on this tiny planet, living only because her body refused to die.
She stills at the touch to her wrist, then adjusts her hand so that she's holding his, their fingers pressed together with a familiarity that belie the years they've known each other. Those years are something she is extremely grateful for now, when they're already starting to navigate the waters of this new life together.
"But it is very becoming of my husband," she informs him with a tone that will brook no argument. "If ever I feel you've overstepped in your 'protection' of me, I will tell you. Privately. Otherwise I expect you to act as you feel you must."
"But it is very becoming of my husband," she informs him with a tone that will brook no argument. "If ever I feel you've overstepped in your 'protection' of me, I will tell you. Privately. Otherwise I expect you to act as you feel you must."
He's quiet for a time, before reaching up to brush a hand gently over her forehead. "Rest, Padmé. We will get through this. And a time will come when we will look back on our struggles, and see that they were worth it." He uses just a small push from the Force to help the suggestion take root in her mind.
This isn't a suggestion to drastically change her perception or way of thinking for the moment, but something slower, that her mind already seems to be struggling to grasp. She said that's all that keeps her going, and he wants it to continue to keep her going. Because it will be many, many years before they will have a chance to see any results. Until then, she has nothing but that small hope. He believes it firmly, and he wants to ensure that she does, too.
This isn't a suggestion to drastically change her perception or way of thinking for the moment, but something slower, that her mind already seems to be struggling to grasp. She said that's all that keeps her going, and he wants it to continue to keep her going. Because it will be many, many years before they will have a chance to see any results. Until then, she has nothing but that small hope. He believes it firmly, and he wants to ensure that she does, too.
The gesture is a kind one, giving no indication to what he'd just done for her, an act which she would thank him for if she knew of it. She wants to be there for her children when they need her, but there's only so much strength left in her after the past year - if he can do something to fortify that strength, she would thank him for it without question.
Nodding at his assurance, she gives a gentle tug at the hand she still holds. "You need rest as well, Obi-Wan. Lie down for a while with me."
Nodding at his assurance, she gives a gentle tug at the hand she still holds. "You need rest as well, Obi-Wan. Lie down for a while with me."
He had meant to sit vigil and guard her against nightmares, but finds he cannot refuse her request. The part of him that is grieving craves the comfort of another being who understands what he's going through.
"You're probably not wrong," he informs her as he lays down facing her, their hands still clasped together, "but I'll inform you that I feel as if I've done the bare minimum in six months. Even if I need rest, I'm not sure if my body will listen."
"You're probably not wrong," he informs her as he lays down facing her, their hands still clasped together, "but I'll inform you that I feel as if I've done the bare minimum in six months. Even if I need rest, I'm not sure if my body will listen."
Dinner passes with much lighter conversation while they enjoy the meal together. The evening brings up memories of all the times they've met over the years, catching up on their lives and sharing stories of adventures. It is all those meetings that have her completely at ease with him now as they store the leftovers and set the dishes to wash before heading upstairs.
"I know we've already discussed it, but I just want to reiterate -- you don't have to share a room with me tonight," she says as they reach the bedroom, the last shades of purple in the sky captured beautifully by the wide windows.
"I know we've already discussed it, but I just want to reiterate -- you don't have to share a room with me tonight," she says as they reach the bedroom, the last shades of purple in the sky captured beautifully by the wide windows.
She's glad that he doesn't refuse; she wouldn't have had the energy to argue with him, and just having him there beside her makes things seem lighter. It's just a fraction of the pain eased, and she knows it's only temporary, but already she can breathe a little easier.
"Then just stay with me for a little while?" She's so tired she can feel it in her bones, but her mind won't still, the ocean of her pain in constant waves through her thoughts.
"Then just stay with me for a little while?" She's so tired she can feel it in her bones, but her mind won't still, the ocean of her pain in constant waves through her thoughts.
Once they let the serious part of the conversation pass, dinner is the same, familiar affair he's used to sharing with Padmé, and Obi-Wan settles into it gratefully. The familiarity is comforting, soothing, and exactly what he needs after the emotional upheavals the rest of the day has brought.
He's honestly forgotten what they'd discussed about sleeping arrangements, until Padmé brings it up. He pauses, drawing a deep breath to help gather and center his thoughts. "If it bothers you, I can use another room. But I have no problem with it, and it will be required of us at some point, so we may wish to become familiar with it now, rather than necessity dictates."
Obi-Wan knows he tends to get formal and polite in his speech when he's nervous or anxious, and has no illusions that Padmé hasn't picked up on that fact over the years. But he is careful to phrase it in such a way to show it doesn't bother him, and is her choice, without bringing his own personal feelings into the equation. Because the whole truth is, no matter what will or won't be happening, tonight or any other, he very much wants to sleep beside her. Wake up next to her, and know that this truly is his life, now.
He's honestly forgotten what they'd discussed about sleeping arrangements, until Padmé brings it up. He pauses, drawing a deep breath to help gather and center his thoughts. "If it bothers you, I can use another room. But I have no problem with it, and it will be required of us at some point, so we may wish to become familiar with it now, rather than necessity dictates."
Obi-Wan knows he tends to get formal and polite in his speech when he's nervous or anxious, and has no illusions that Padmé hasn't picked up on that fact over the years. But he is careful to phrase it in such a way to show it doesn't bother him, and is her choice, without bringing his own personal feelings into the equation. Because the whole truth is, no matter what will or won't be happening, tonight or any other, he very much wants to sleep beside her. Wake up next to her, and know that this truly is his life, now.
It's been a long time since she shared a bed with anyone who wasn't one of her handmaidens, which was always for protection or practicality for conserving space while traveling. Having someone beside her like this... Yes, it would be expected of them during some of their travels, and while they had other options for their own apartments, he was right, they should get used to it now while they have the chance.
"Alright," she agrees a nod, stepping into the bedroom and motioning for him to follow. "I can see why you're known for your negotiating skills, my dear Jedi." It doesn't bother her, and so she has no ground on which to argue; it's as simple as that.
"Alright," she agrees a nod, stepping into the bedroom and motioning for him to follow. "I can see why you're known for your negotiating skills, my dear Jedi." It doesn't bother her, and so she has no ground on which to argue; it's as simple as that.
Obi-Wan can't help the small, pleased smile that crosses his face at her words. "I appreciate you calling them negotiating skills, and not political," he tells her as he follows her into the bedroom. "If one more person tells me I would make an excellent politician - well, I'll be hard-pressed not to forsake my oaths and do unjust violence upon them."
It's terrible of her, but she can't help but laugh at the picture he paints with those words. Crossing to the wardrobe, she pulls out one of her nightdresses with an amused shake of her head. "Trust me, Obi-Wan, I understand that it's not a life best suited for most," she assures him, her tone becoming more serious as she turns to face him. "Many politicians thrive not on negotiation, but on coercion, on backroom deals and everything that goes against the democracy I believe in. I don't blame you for holding politicians in less than high regard."
Page 4 of 17